Sparrhawk's blog

When guys start talking about how they are going to be rough and tough, almost as if reading from somebody else's match report, I take that as the fantasy thing. In real life, one doesn't know which holds/maneuvers are best until the actual encounter---too many variables in body structure, fitness, mobility, etc to know ex ante. I tell them, "What I will do is determined once we start. I can only say I will give it my best shot within whatever limits we agree upon." That usually sends the fantasizers and the masturbators off their jolly way to hit upon the next victim.

Being direct is always best. If they hedge or dither when you mention meeting, I'd take that as a definite red flag that indicates it's the cyber fantasy that most interests them, not the actual match itself. In short, guys can only string you along as long as you allow it to continue. Don't waste your time on flakes.

Spruceman, wow I'm jealous of all your matches---45 recommendations. That's awesome! Your stats also make me feel better–almost 49% of members here report no matches. It all makes sense now.

When i signed up for this site a few years ago, I was under the (false)impression that many guys were out looking for regular wrestling partners every month. I've had four recommendations and setting up matches is far more work than the wrestling itself! I thought I could score a half dozen matches a year, but so far I can only find one or two willing opponents each year.

Most of the profiles in my state are fake. They have zero matches despite being on the site for years. I pointed this out to the Admin once, but there's nothing they can do. I think after a year with no matches, a profile should be deleted, but that's only my opinion.

Sub Aqua, Surrey & PAwrestler, thanks for the responses. I'm glad I'm not alone.

If you ever head down my way in the DC area, let me know; and I'll take you on here in my matroom or the back yard. No song 'n' dance planning bullcrap---we either can do it or we can't. That goes for most the rest of you. If yur fit to wrestle, are safe, don't stink, and not as obese as our Prez, I'd probably take you on. (especially if you look as fit as our House Speaker :) )

It's not like we are swimming in wrestler/grappler-filled waters. Our sport action population in the overall community is probably one-in-five-or-ten-thousand men. As of Monday, a full 48.85 percent of the site's members have reported NO MATCHES with a fellow member---some probably for good reasons, others not Even with the few I have done (49) in the 25 months on the site, I'm in the top 2.89 percent. The median is barely ONE, the mean is only 7. So most guys here on the best pick-up wrestling/grappling site on Earth are hardly drowning in matches.

I too get a lot of guys who say they want to wrestle but all they seem to want to do is just talk about it. I don’t mind doing that to an extent before I tire of it & feel like I’m doing more of a cyber match than actual wrestling. I understand too that a lot of guys are far away & meeting is probably not going to happen. Schedules conflict also. I had a guy recently not too far away that kind of messages me w/o too much planning & seems to get pissed if I’m not available when HE is ready! Twice he has done this & im over it. If a guy cannot communicate & plan with me - there’s no point in trying to meet up. I understand people have a guard up by being stood up, etc., but if you’re not willing to negotiate a date, place & time they’re not worth your time.

It's a tricky question with no right answer that fits everyone.

I fall in the category of someone who *does* take a long while to set up a meet and can give a few reasons why some people who are somewhat like me might take weeks or even months to set up a meet:

I joined this site when I was in the middle of university. When it wasn't exam period, there was a lot of free time on both evenings and weekends and I lived almost right next to uni and the train station so it was easy peasy to set up matches. Now that's a little different. I have ~ an hours commute to work and evenings are mostly out of the runnings and treat weekends as a luxury. Free time could be very limited to the people on the other side.

Also, the could have bad organisational skills. I'm a terrible procrastinator and put important things off. I'm still way overdue on a profile update and writing recommendations as an on-site example. This bleeds over into organisation where I almost never note down when people want to meet so almost never know when I'm truly free.

There's a few other reasons that I won't list as they're a bit more specific so won't really apply in general to others.

I'd say guage their enthusiasm. It's tricky to do if they're sending words in a box but if they appear to be dragging their feet about it in a sort of "ok, if you must" kind of way then that's a sign they're either stringing you along or no longer want to meet. If they appear to be serious, there's more of a chance that they are trying too, but just getting unlucky with their free time.

Recommendations are another good indicator. If they have 0 recs and have been on the site for a considerably long time it's a sign that they are either incredibly unlucky with their free time, very poor organisers or are lurking on the site with no intention to meet.

It's a matter of patience. If the signs point to them having the will to have a match but no time to do it, have other matches in the meantime and wait for them to find a spot in their own time. If you're not prepared to do that then don't worry about being politely direct with them about it. It's understandably frustrating to fail to meet with someone who isn't finding the time for weeks or even months, and there's plenty more opponents around...

Most of my past opponents either have had lucky hits with free time or have had the patience to eventually sort out a match.

Opponents I've lost forever due to the above are in the double figures and I can accept that. It's difficult to pin down a time with me sometimes and I know that some people aren't prepared to deal with that.

In short, they are either stringing you along or simply unorganised enough to not be able to meet so easily. You can get clues over which type they are but its never too obvious. Either way, if you're not prepared to find a time with them (and having other matches in the background), best to be politely direct with them. If they're genuine, they should understand.

Unfortunately, we all have to deal with "fakes & flakes", people who like the idea of wrestling - without actually doing it.
My advice would be to move on to find people who actually do want to meet!